


and if you want me, i'll always be yours

by liferuining_feels



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Niall keeps running away, supposed unrequited love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 01:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3230699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liferuining_feels/pseuds/liferuining_feels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The last time I felt close to you…” Niall’s voice is small and he feels the insecurity creeping back in. “I just want Vegas back.” </p>
<p>It's Zayn's birthday and Niall's been excited to give him his present for months, but Zayn's a little busy and doesn't seem to have the time these days. Things are a little different between them lately, and all the tension adds up to them fighting and Niall saying something he immediately regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So...I've never been a fan of writing canon but this idea was in my head last week and I wrote some stuff in the heat of the moment but didn't have much inspiration to finish it.
> 
> But tonight suddenly I was on a roll (despite telling myself I've got to finish another fic by the end of this month ugh) so here's Part 1 of this short one shot (I promise it's very short)

Niall groans as he hears a loud clatter coming from downstairs, doesn’t need to look at the clock to know that it’s probably after 7 in the morning and the noise is Willie getting ready for work.

He lounges in his bed for a little bit longer, grabbing his phone and scrolling through Twitter and Instagram and replying any messages he’d gotten in the night. There’s one from Harry in LA, some black and white photo of the LA coastline, knowing very well that Niall’s been aching for some sun ever since the break started.

He falls back asleep right after he sends a series of rude emojis to Harry, managing to get another hour of shut eye before his body refuses to stay in bed any longer. His stiff bones groan at him as he gets up, cracking loudly as he heads to the bathroom.

He decides to run on the treadmill for a bit, it’s been a while since he’s done any sort of exercise and he knows he needs to keep his body in shape for the next tour, especially if he wants his knee to cooperate with him without any problems. The doctors say it won’t ever be 100%, and that was a bitter pill to swallow at first, but it still feels heaps better than it used to and hasn’t stopped him from doing those high jumps the fans love so much during concerts.

Okay, maybe it’s not so much for the fans but more for him.

He means to take a quick shower, but gets a little distracted singing Michael Buble at the top of his voice and suddenly it’s been 45 minutes and he’s pretty much done an acoustic set for the invisible audience in his bathroom.

He glances at the clock when he comes out and sees that it’s half past 11, a small smile creeping on his lips as he sits on the edge of his bed and grabs his phone. He’s still in his towel, loosely wrapped around his waist and his hair is dripping wet but he can’t really wait any longer and presses ‘Call Contact’

He’d tried calling last night, just after 12, though he wasn’t surprised when it went straight to Voicemail. He saw all the stuff on Twitter and Instagram, saw Shahid’s tweets and the picture of the cake. Looked like fun. He shakes his head as the ringing continues in his ear and realises that the party must have gone on into the morning, so he probably shouldn’t expect his call to be picked up.

He leaves it at that, figures he’ll probably just get a text later on or something and he’ll try again. He keeps himself busy the rest of the day, cleaning out his grill after they used it for the last barbecue they had during one of those rare sunny days during London’s winter. He takes some time to actually clean the dust his guitar collection as well, the ones that are hanging proudly on the wall in his living room. Best birthday present to come home to from his mum.

He’s distracted enough, though his eyes do flit through to his phone to check for any new texts or tweets.

It’s almost evening and he still hasn’t heard anything, which isn’t unusual, so he just decides to do the next best thing.

_@NiallOfficial: @zaynmalik happy birthday brother ! Hope Ya had a good day ! Tried calling Ya this morning ! Giz a shout back!_

Might as well keep up with tradition.

Niall walks to one of the 3 spare rooms in the house, eyeing the massive parcel that’s leaning against the wall in the empty space. He pushes down the disappointment as he lifts the flap of brown paper that’s left open from covering the framed picture inside.

He bought it a few months ago, knew the moment he saw it that he had to get it for Zayn’s birthday. A few months ago Zayn had excitedly shown everyone a link that a fan had sent him on Twitter, it was an artwork of Zayn’s face, which didn’t impress them so much and it was only until Zayn zoomed in and showed them that the entire picture was made of small little pictures – from photoshoots, concerts, red carpets, candids – of both him and the boys that everyone’s eyes shot up in surprise.

Zayn loved it, couldn’t stop talking about it and showing it to everyone that would give him a minute and it still brings a smile to Niall’s face thinking about it.

It only took a few weeks for him to get in touch with the artist and commission (anonymously of course – thank you Paul) a bigger version of it. It took a lot of convincing, and quite a bit of money to get her to agree. And then it was delivered – right in the middle of WWA, and Willie still hasn’t stopped complaining about how difficult it was to get it through the door.

It’s nothing big really. Well, size wise it’s pretty big.  But it’s nothing significant or anything. Just pretty _sick_.

Though it _is_ pretty big. Probably just as tall as him. Wide enough for the tips of his fingers to graze the frame.

It came covered in bubble wrap and brown paper, but all that’s discarded to the side now after Niall ripped them off in curiosity. Then he had to go out and buy some brown paper and spent a great part of his afternoon last week nicely wrapping it up again.

He’d drive over to Zayn’s house and give it to him right now if he could. It would fit in his Range Rover with the seats down, no problem.

But then these days, it doesn’t feel like it’s that easy anymore. There used to be a time when it was, when Niall’d just get in his car with a couple packs of beer and Zayn would open the door with heavy lidded eyes and wave him in and they’d spend the rest of the night just chillin’ in front of the tv.

Some nights they’d even end up in the graffiti room, Zayn working on something while Niall just laid on the sofa staring at all the different shapes and pictures on the wall.

But now, now Zayn’s busy. Spending most of his time at Shahid’s studio writing or laying down tracks or whatever it is they do. Harry once asked him what they get up to, when they got back on tour, but Zayn just shrugged in response. Though he didn’t miss the way he and Louis snickered quietly in the back of the van after that.

He went over a few weeks after tour finished, already bored out of his mind and needing some sort of distraction, some sort of presence to fill up the silence that was surrounding him. Willie was great but…it wasn’t what Niall wanted.

So he went over as he usually did, with a 6-pack and even bought some smokes for Zayn. Sat in his car and sent him a quick text when no one was opening the gate.

_mate where are ya ! I’m outside ur place hurry I’m cold u wanker_

_oh sorry bro, I’m at the studio aha_

It stung a little, only because he was already there,  but he didn’t let it get to him.

But then it happened once or twice more and then the next time he felt like seeing Zayn, he saw his exchange with Shahid on Twitter, some inside joke that he couldn’t understand and then just gave up asking him if he wanted to hang out.

He stares at the artwork in front of him and pushes down a wave of disappointment that he wouldn’t get a chance to give it to Zayn tonight though he really wanted to. He stays positive knowing that Zayn is gonna absolutely love it, and can’t wait to see the look on his face when he delivers it.

Willie comes home soon after and Niall cooks them both another recipe from Jamie Oliver – chicken korma this time – and they spend the rest of the night watching Celebrity Big Brother, though Niall falls asleep halfway through a nasty fight between Katie Piper and Perez Hilton.

Later, after Willie’s nudged him awake and asked him to get his arse up to bed, Niall opens up Twitter to do his nightly check and sees a notification that Zayn’s tweeted a picture.

_@zaynmalik Zaughty fam still going strong_

Niall falls asleep quickly after that, but with a frown on his face.

~

“Lad! What’s up!”

“Niaaaaaall. It’s fucking 7 in the morning, stop screaming in my ear!”

Niall chuckles softly as he hears Harry letting down a stream of inaudible curses on the line.

“Sorry! Thought you’d be up getting ready for a run or yoga or summat.”

“No, went out for drinks with Jeff and some friends last night. Didn’t get home till…fuck Niall, I’ve only been asleep for 3 hours.”

Niall apologises, though Harry chides him for being insincere because he can still hear the laugher in his voice.

They’re both silent for a while, but it isn’t awkward or anything, instead it’s the kind of comfortable silence you get with your best mates.

 “Oh! Did you give Zayn his present yet? I didn’t ask him when I texted him cause I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

Niall doesn’t reply, instead he huffs out a laugh that he hopes would be good enough a response, though he knows it’s just wishful thinking.

“Niall?”

“Haven’t given it to him yet.” He tries to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but it’s hard to, especially with Harry. He’s tried to call Zayn over the last two weeks, but he’s been too busy for phone calls and Niall’s too stubborn on insisting that he leaves the gift a surprise though Willie’s told him that it’d probably be easier if he just told Zayn he wanted to come over to pass him his gift.

“Willie’s right.” Harry says after Niall explains. “You’ve probably been in shit mood over the last week and he’s the poor lad who’s having to deal with ya.”

Niall nods sheepishly, eventhough Harry can’t possible see him.

“Mate, it’s Zayn. What are you afraid of?”

“Yeah I know, he just…hasn’t had much time for me lately.” His voice comes out small and timid, and he hates it, hates that his true feelings come out.

Harry sighs over the other end, and it makes Niall feel even worse. “I thought you were okay with everything?”

“I am…doesn’t mean I don’t want to be close to him anymore.”

“Niall…”

“You’re right, you’re right. I think I’m just feeling annoyed cause I was so excited about the gift.” Niall huffs out a sigh. “I’ll just call him later.”

He texts Zayn shortly after he gets off the phone with Harry, asking him if he can come over to pass him his birthday gift.

_mate u dint have to! but yeh sure come over whenever!_

The excitement creeps back in again as he spends the rest of the afternoon loading up the huge artwork into the car. It’s _a lot_ of work, and he thinks Willie’s complaining is well justified by the time he manages to close the boot of his car.

He drives over just after 7, a bottle of wine and some food in a chiller box in the backseat. He thinks about making Zayn some of that chicken korma he tried, since Willie said it came out pretty good, and the whole thing feels a little bit romantic, but he shakes that feeling off as quickly as it comes.

He gets there and excitedly raps on the door, and feels a little confused when someone who’s _not_ Zayn opens the door.

“Jawaad! Fuck mate you look so grown up!”

Zayn’s cousin chuckles and playfully hits Niall on the arm as he lets him in. There’s loud music playing and Niall figures that there’s a little hang out session going on, and instantly feels foolish thinking about the chiller box that’s sitting in his car with the contents that are probably not going to get used tonight.

But then he walks into the living room to find it empty except for another two guys he can’t recognise, and Zayn nowhere in sight. He turns to Jawaad, raising his eyes in question.

“So Zayn said you might come over with something for him, he said you can just drop it off yeah.”

“What do you mean? Where is he?” He feels his stomach drop at the thought that Zayn isn’t at home, that he didn’t even bother to wait around to see what Niall had for him, but he still looks at Jawaad with hope.

“Oh, sorry, he’s gone out. Shahid sent a car to bring him to the studio I think.”

Niall feels his blood boiling under his skin, and he fists his hands to stop his face from showing how he’s feeling. So he grins tightly and walks toward the front door, figuring he might as well get it over and done with, calling behind for Jawaad to help him.

It’s easier getting the frame out and carrying it into the house, what with Jawaad and his friends’ help. Niall doesn’t say anything the whole time, not until he’s back out in front of his car and about to get in.

“Hey Jawaad, tell him I hope he likes it.”

He doesn’t bother to see the other lad’s answering nod and immediately starts the car and drives away.

He calls up some of the LIC crew, doesn’t explain why he wants to go out and get smashed during the week, and is thankful that Eoghan and Brez agree to meet up with him.

They head to one of their usual spots, an Irish pub that’s a favourite because no one bothers them here and it’s a sure given that they can have a drink in peace without pictures of them circulating around the web within hours.

Niall doesn’t hold back, isn’t looking for a laidback pint, instead hitting the hard stuff and getting pissed drunk fairly quickly after they’ve arrived.

Eoghan stops him after his 5th Jagerbomb, and leaves to get him a glass of water. Brez is off somewhere on the phone and Niall’s left sitting alone at their table. He takes his own phone out and types out a message

_wnet 2 giv hm his prezzo bt f_

_fkcuer wanst der!!!!!!!!!!!_

_FUCKER_

He almost jumps out of his seat when his phone rings 2 seconds after he’s sent the last text.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“HAZZA!” Niall screams into his phone and does some sort of air hug that has the girls at the next table eyeing him weirdly.

“Are you drunk?” Harry hisses into the phone.

“Yep.” His lips popping the ‘p’ a little loudly. “Soooooo, I texted Malik yeah, told him I wanted to pass him his birthday gift and he said I could come over whenever.”

“So I loaded up the car – fuck Haz it was so fucking heavy Willie was right I felt like I was gonna topple over and like fall on it and it’d be ruin-“

“Niall! Focus!”

“Right right, so I get there, and like Jawaad – you know his cousin, that cute lil boy we used to see in his family photos, man he’s grown up he’s taller than me now – anyway he said Zayn wasn’t at home cause he was with that goose and like I dropped it off.”

Replaying the events in his head sobers him up a little, and the buzz that was coursing through his body suddenly feels heavy and Niall just feels deflated.

“Niall?”

“Haz…I’m sad. He didn’t even stay to see my present.” Niall rests his head on the table as he feels tear prick behind his eyes and he focuses on the black stain on the ground to keep them in.

“I’m sorry Niall.”

Just then Eoghan comes back and pats him on the shoulder and thrusts the glass of water into his free hand. Harry asks him to pass the phone to him, and he’s not sure what he says but once Brez joins them again they both force Niall out of the pub within an hour.

Thankfully he left his car at home before getting a taxi to the pub, so Brez drops him off at home after making him promise to drink at least two glasses of water before going to sleep.

He does, before opening a beer in front of the tv, staring at the screen but not registering what’s happening in front of him. Willie’s not in tonight, spending the night at his girlfriend’s instead and Niall welcomes the empty house for once.

His phone beeps with a couple of notifications from Twitter, and he opens it up to see a few pics Zayn’s tweeted.

His anger returns again and he’s fuming so hard it takes all his self-control to not throw his phone against the wall.

He throws it behind the sofa instead, before heading into the kitchen and searching the cupboards for more alcohol. He finds a bottle of whiskey and stands at the counter while downing a glass, then another, then another.

Finally tiredness seeps through his bones and he drags his feet up to his room, falling face first onto his bed without even changing.

~

He wakes up to a foul taste in his mouth and his stomach doing somersaults and it only takes a few seconds of him becoming fully conscious before he feels the urge to puke and stumbles as he gets up and runs to the toilet.

He’s been emptying the contents of his stomach for about half an hour when he hears his phone ringing somewhere in the mess of his room. His nausea has settled slightly, so he winces as he gets up from the cold floor and splashes his face with some water under the sink.

He walks back into the room to find his phone that’s stopped ringing, and finds it in one of his shoes that he must have kicked off last night.

_Missed call from Zayn M_

Niall feels his heart beat out of his chest. The events of the previous night comes back but before he gets a chance to understand what he’s feeling, he sees Zayn’s name flashing on his screen again.

“’Lo?”

“Niall! Mate, sick present you got me! Fucking love it man.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah man, was just showing the lads the link last week and I was so shocked to see it in front of me, it’s proper wicked man!” The excitement in Zayn’s voice would usually be infectious to Niall but he was feeling too shitty for that, and besides, he was a little over it.

“Shame you couldn’t see it last night.” Niall winces at the bitterness of his tone but he really can’t be bothered right now.

Zayn mustn’t notice because he continues on normally. ”Yeah sorry mate, had to go to the studio, just fooling ar-“

“Yeah I saw. Seems like that’s your scene now.” Niall interrupts him before he can finish.

“Niall? Something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong Zayn.”

“Nah, just tell me yeah? What’s got you acting so pissy this early in the morning?” He can hear Zayn raising his voice a little bit as well, which only fuels him more because how dare _he_ get angry of all people?

 “What’s got me pissy? Maybe it’s the fact that I was so excited to give you your birthday gift but you just blew me off Zayn!” Niall’s standing up now, pacing around his room as he clings onto his phone tightly. “Maybe cause you’ve been blowing me off ever since the tour ended? I used to feel like we were close even outside the band but these days…these days it doesn’t feel like that.”

“What the fuck? It’s wrong for me to want to spend some time with my friends? People I haven’t seen in the last 6 months cause I’ve been travelling around the world with _you_?”

“But that’s it isn’t it? Even on tour you’d be too busy smoking up with Lou or having some sort of Bus 1 shenanigans. We used to sit in the back lounge having Breaking Bad marathons remember? And sneaking off in the middle of wherever we were to find a 24 hour place and just have a laugh? I used to know what was going on in your life, and I used to be able to ask if you wanted to hang out just to talk without being rejected. We’re hardly ever in the same room if it wasn’t for an interview or during a concert!” He’s a little breathless now, after letting out everything that he’s kept locked away these past months.

“The last time I felt close to you…” Niall’s voice is small and he feels the insecurity creeping back in. “I just want Vegas back.”

 “I don’t get it, what are you saying Niall?” Zayn sounds…confused, and it frustrates him that he still doesn’t get the point.

“I’m saying I miss you ‘cause I fucking love you asshole.”

Niall’s hand flies to his mouth as the line goes silent and he tries to pray that he didn’t just say that out loud.

 “What?” Zayn finally says after a few minutes where no one’s said anything.

He hangs up.

“Fuck.”

This time he doesn’t hesitate to throw his phone against the wall.


	2. Chapter 2

Niall’s never understood how Harry was always able to leave London for LA on a whim. One day he’d be in Cheshire sending Niall pictures of Anne’s cat and the next day Niall’d see pap shots of him at LAX.

For some reason, that’s the first thing that enters his mind as he sits on the edge of his bed staring at his phone lying on the ground in front of him with an impressive crack on the screen.

Twenty four hours later, Niall’s in a hotel room in sunny California taking a snap of the view from his balcony and sending it to Harry

It's not even two minutes before the phone rings and Niall can’t help the chuckle that escapes his lips when he picks up the phone.

“When the hell did you get to LA?”

“Just got in a couple of hours ago.” It took him about 10 minutes of staring at his broken phone before he grabbed his laptop from under the bed and checked for the next available flight. It was leaving in 5 hours, so he hastily stuffed some clothes and toiletries into a suitcase and was out the door in an hour.

He left a note for Willie without going into too much detail, wondered for a minute whether he should just lie and say there was a writing session with Julian that he completely forgot about but thought better of it. He’s known the guy all his life, if it was anyone it’d be Willie who’d be able to see through Niall’s lies.

“What happened?”

“Nothing! Got jealous of your photos that I thought I’d come visit.”

“Niall.” Harry said in that motherly voice he uses when he knows something is wrong.

“I’m tired Haz. We’ll catch up tomorrow or something yeah? I’ll tell you all about how I completely fucked things up.”

That should be enough of an explanation for now, while Louis or Liam would be driven crazy by the suspense, Harry’d understand and leave it at that until Niall was ready to talk about it.

He didn’t bother exchanging his UK number into his American phone, didn’t know whether it was because he’d get embarrassed by confused messages from a certain someone or be disappointed if there were no messages instead.

So he lies in bed in his empty hotel room, stares at the ceiling as he wonders how things had gone from good to worse in such a short time. He falls asleep pretty quickly, but it's nothing bur fitful, flashes of the band breaking up and Zayn's angry face keeping him tossing and turning throughout the night.

He wakes up the next morning to a loud banging on his hotel room door. He sits up feeling confused, because no one knew where he was so he approached the door with a little hesitation and warily opened it to see who was on the other side.

He didn’t get a chance to, because before he knew it a mop of curls was walking past him and into the room.

“What the fuck? How’d you know where I’m staying?”

Harry stood in the middle of the hall, his long hair pulled back into a bun and his sunnies hanging on a thin white shirt. He’s wearing the same black skinny jeans he had on every night during the tour and that ridiculous brown suede Chelsea boots.

But yet, unsurprisingly, it’s a comforting sight.

“You stay here every single time you come to LA! And I’m friends with Jan at the front desk, so I just charmed her into telling me which room you’re in.” He said with a smug smirk on his face.

Niall rolls his eyes and searches through his suitcase for a pair of shorts he can put on because he really wasn’t in the mood to deal with Harry this early in the morning in just his pants.

“Put on a shirt too. Pack your bags up.” Niall turns to look at him questioningly. “You’re coming to stay with me.”

~

After checking out and chucking his small suitcase into the back of Harry’s Range Rover, they spend the rest of the drive in silence except for Harry’s fingers drumming against the steering wheel. He keeps glancing at Niall from the corner of his eye, and Niall wonders whether he knows that he’s failing to be discreet about it.

It isn’t until they reach the house and Harry’s waiting for the garage door to open that Niall opens his mouth.

“I told him I loved him.”

He looks straight ahead, at the heavy duty steel door that’s slowly opening to reveal Harry’s white vintage Mercedes, trying very hard to control his voice.

“I don’t think I even realised it myself until I said it out loud. Fuck Haz, he’s probably thinking I’ve gone crazy or summat! I’ve fucked things up.” He buries his head in his arm, feeling the panic weighing him down.

“Look Niall, you’re jumping to conclusions-“

“There are no other conclusions other than the fact that I’m in love with my best friend, who doesn’t love me back. And Haz look – I’d be okay with it I think, I’d be able to act normal if I just….fuck if I’d just figured it out on my own, not blurted it out to him over the phone like that."

He keeps his head down, and feels a warm pressure on his shoulder, Harry’s strong hand rubbing circles in a soothing gesture. It helps a little, clears his mind as he focuses on the movement and press against his skin.

“Let’s just…I don’t want to think about it.”

Harry hums, then reaches over and gives him an affectionate kiss on the side of his head as he removes his hand from Niall’s shoulder before getting out the car.

“Mi casa es su casa!” Harry shouts, throwing his arms out wide.

He looks up at his best friend, who’s looking at him with a grin that stretches his mouth wide though his eyes are filled with concern, and he will forever be thankful to whoever’s responsible for bringing Harry Styles into his life.

~

It’s been 4 days since he arrived, and Niall is thoroughly enjoying the full anonymity of living in Harry’s gated community.

Harry gives him enough space, always bringing him back food or coffee when he goes out after Niall kept rejecting his offers to join him though he still doesn’t fail to ask him every day.

No one knows he’s in LA. Except Willie. And Harry. And he’d like to keep it that way for a while.

Willie sent him a series of _???????_ in a text that he got when he first landed, and then later on _hope you’re doing ok lad_

He didn’t know what to say to that. He was just using the ‘hide under a pile of blankets and sit in front of the telly so you can distract yourself from how you’ve possibly stuffed things up with your best mate’ strategy. Thank God for Netflix. He’s finished watching all episodes of Orange is the New Black and is just into the third episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine when he gets a call from Willie.

“Hey bro! Fuck, I just started watching that police comedy you were telling me about with that guy from SNL? It’s so fucking funny!”

“Yeah that’s great Niall, you should know by now that I’ve got excellent taste.” Willie says sarcastically. “You doing alright then?”

“Yeh, getting meself a proper tan.” He scoffs, burying himself a little more into the self-built nest on the sofa.

“Well, look, um…” Niall can hear the hesitancy in Willie’s voice and his stomach just drops because he doesn’t have a good feeling about where this phone call is going.

“Zayn stopped by this evening.”

His throat goes dry as he grips the phone a little tighter. “And?”

“Said you weren’t answering any of his texts and his calls weren’t getting through. Was getting worried. I told him that you broke your phone.” Niall winces at the memory. “Anyway, I did tell him you were in LA. Hope that’s okay?”

Well. He can’t hide forever.

“Yeah.  It’s fine mate. Thanks for letting me know yeah?”

“Look…” He can tell that Willie wants to push for more, but he seems to think better of it and Niall can hear the sigh he takes on the line. “I’ve got to go, tell Hazza I said hi yeah?”

He brings his attention back to the tv screen after Willie hangs up but doesn't really concentrate on what’s going on. In a moment of weakness, but more like curiosity, he pulls up Twitter on his phone and logs in. It’s surprising how well he’d done at staying away from it over the last couple of days, considering he's a pretty active tweeter during their breaks.

He pretends to scroll through his list as if he actually gives a shit about what’s going on with people on his timeline but he’s starting to get a little restless and decides to drop all pretence and pulls up Zayn’s profile directly.

@zaynmalik Home bound !!

@zaynmalik Just can’t live that negative way…. Make way for the positive day –positive vibration

His jaw drops when he sees the amount of tweets he’s missed. He reads every one, surprise growing on his face when he sees how active Zayn’s been considering he’s usually the quietest out of all the boys.

He thinks he can’t get any more shock until he sees a particular tweet that Zayn sent about a day after the ‘incident’.

_@zaynmalik @Kieron Webb @TheLondonBarber thanks for the sick haircut! It's been a year it was well needed_

Niall stops, eyebrows creased in confusion when he reads the word ‘haircut’.

@zaynmalik Here Ya go

He anxiously opens up the image to see Zayn staring back at him, in that ridiculous orange jumper with the multiple eye design that he made Caroline get in a few different colours. Niall rolls his eyes when he thinks of how Zayn’s got it in white, dark green, and navy blue too.

It looks like Zayn’s shaved the sides of his head and the hair on the top has been slicked back. Niall doesn’t need a back shot to know that it’s probably in a bun.

He remembers after the last break, Zayn was excitedly showing Louis a pic of him and his cousins who had that same hairstyle and how he thought it was a really sick look.

It’s a shame. Niall really liked Zayn’s long hair. Thought it was really cute when he told Lou he wanted a double pony tail when they went on Jonathan Ross.

But the Royal Variety Show. _Fuck_ he looked beautiful then. Niall probably stared at him for a solid ten minutes when he first saw him in the dressing room and it wasn't until Harry loudly cleared his throat and nudged him a little that Niall snapped out of it.

Huh. Guess the signs were there, Niall thinks to himself.

It’s just, it’s been 4 years…and Niall has always thought that Zayn’s amazing. Has never stopped being in awe of him.

He shakes that thought off as quickly as it comes before he starts getting an anxiety attack. Instead he switches off his phone and plays the episode from the start, hoping that it’ll distract him enough not to drive him crazy.

~

Harry comes back a couple of hours later with takeout from Craig’s to find Niall still buried in a nest of pillows and blankets on the sofa. There’s some reality show playing on the tv, but when Harry comes to stand in front of the sofa, he can barely make out Niall’s face until he pokes and prods a little and finds a shock of blonde hair peeking out from the abyss of soft blankets.

“Oi, got some food. And we’re not going to eat it in front of the tv on that filthy sofa you haven’t moved from all week.”

Harry’s about to walk away when Niall’s leg shoots out and trips him, which in turn earns him a punch to his shin.

“I hope that was your face.”

Niall reluctantly removes himself from the safe haven he wrapped himself around, but he smells something tomato-y and garlic-y that’s too alluring for him to ignore.

Harry’s dancing around as he gets plates and cups out of his cupboards and sets them on the counter. Niall hops on a stool and groans happily as he sees containers of pasta and garlic bread laid out to serve.

“You’re a fucking angel Harry.”

Harry smiles smugly, obviously pleased with himself.

“So…Zayn cut his hair?” Niall asks after a couple minutes of silence.

“Yeah, the traitor! I told him I was very upset when he sent us the picture. Wait, did you only just see it?”

Niall shakes his head nervously. “Broke my phone. Don’t have the group on my American one.”

Harry’s face is hard to read but he doesn't add anything else. Instead, he reaches into his pocket and takes his phone out and looks for something, sliding it over to Niall with their group chat open on screen.

 _DJ Malik_  
guess what lads!  
Image

 _Louis Tommo_  
hahahahahaha !!!  
sick !!

_Paynis  
are u srious?? haha harry’s gona be mad!_

_DJ Malik  
aha!! :B_

_You_  
!!!!!!  
fucker!!!  
what happened to our pact!!

There’s more upset texts from Harry as Niall scrolls down and he’d be worried about invading Harry’s privacy if it wasn't for the fact that he was part of the chat as well.

_Louis Tommo  
nialls keepin quiet ! jealous ur hair wont grow that long mate? hahah_

_Paynis  
yeh nialler! wat u been up to mate?? keeping a low profile_

_DJ Malik  
hazza should know_

_Paynis  
??????????????_

_Louis Tommo  
oh?_

_DJ Malik  
he’s in LA_

_You  
Ummmm he broke his phone_

Niall slaps Harry on the shoulder out of reflex.

“Ow!” He peers over to see where Niall’s at and his face turns sheepish. “Well…I wasn't exactly confirming it?”

Niall rolls his eyes and goes back to reading the chat log.

 _Louis Tommo_  
well…isn’t that a coincidence…me n leemo r heading there in a few days  
we’ll catch up yeh  
talk  
tell him I miss him

“Fuck they’re coming here? When?!”

“Tomorrow.”

“And when were you planning to tell me?”

“I didn't think it was a big deal!”

It shouldn't be. He doesn't really have reason to freak out because it’s Louis and Liam and not the elephant in the room.

But it’s _Louis._ Who’s Zayn’s confidante in the whole group, so he probably knows about everything but is playing coy. And knowing Louis’s meddling ways and the way he sent those last few messages, Niall just knows that he’s got some sort of plan. He’s probably planning to corner Niall as soon as he gets and make him spill everything.

Which he is definitely not prepared to do.

Harry’s looking at him with a worried expression and Niall can only imagine the emotions that are showing on his face.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it Haz.”

He wishes he could say the same.

~

The next morning, he pulls a groggy Harry out of bed. He spent the whole night freaking out over what Louis would talk to him about and came to an obvious conclusion.

“Come on, you’ve got to send me to the airport.”

Harry wakes up fully then, peering at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“I’m heading to Melbourne. Spend a bit of time with Deo and the lads before the tour starts back up.”

“Niall.”

“Harry, I’m gonna miss my flight if you don’t send me now. Or I’ll just call for a cab.”

That makes him sit up seriously and rub the sleep from his eyes. “Alright, alright. Give me a minute to get changed.” He says as he gets out of bed. “But I want a full explanation from you on our way to the airport.”

Niall just nods as he quickly leaves the room, not wanting to catch a glimpse of Harry's naked butt.

True to his word, Harry comes out looking surprisingly refreshed five minutes later and gratefully takes the coffee that Niall made for him and walks straight out to the car.

“So.” Harry starts once they've been on the road for a minute.

Niall lets out a deep sigh, his Ray Bans covering his ocean blue eyes against the LA sun.

“I can’t meet Louis yet. I’ll bet ya that he’s coming here to talk to me about it. I just…I haven’t figured it out yeah? Escaped to LA but all I’ve been doing is escape from dealing with it. I need to sort this mess in my head before I see him…you know how he is. He’s a stubborn fucker. So yeah. I’m heading to Melbourne.”  

“I got your back babe.” Niall’s pleasantly surprised by Harry’s answer. He really thought he’d have to face a disappointed look but it seems like Harry understands. “Just don’t take too long to figure it out yeah?”

Niall nods and gives him a grateful smile.

~

Melbourne is sunny just like LA, but is different in so many other ways. He’s always loved this city, from the way everyone’s friendly and laid back and just being able to chill with his cousins without any paparazzi hounding him.

It’s the best kind of distraction that Niall consumes himself in, never getting enough time to wallow in some sort of self-pity because Deo’s dragging him out to the pub every night for a good pint and laugh. It’s good, he finds himself feeling a little free and easy for the first time in the last couple of weeks, and Zayn barely enters his mind except in those few moments before he falls asleep and when he wakes up.

He did get a text from Louis a day after he reached Melbourne.

_really Niall????? what are we playing, the amazing race???_

He thought about ignoring it, but knew that Louis would make a fuss.

_Sorry tommo ! enjoyin the break with the lads !_

He didn’t get a reply so he counts that as a win.

He manages to keep quite a low profile while he’s in Melbourne. There’s no chatter about him being sighted on the update accounts on Twitter though he did see someone put up a really blurry photo of him on a night out.

It’s good, it feels great, and it’s the most relaxed he’s ever been.

But he starts to get cabin fever pretty quickly, because there’s still a lot of planning and being cautious in making sure he doesn't draw any attention to himself. He gets enough privacy on nights out, but it’s still only 2 or 3 days out of the week that he does join the boys.

So he gets sick of it after two weeks, and when Deo suggests that they go catch the Australian Open, he thinks it’s not such a bad idea.

And it isn’t. He’s got his sunnies on, a pint in his hand and the thrill of the match keeping the adrenaline running through his body. Deo asks him later on whether he regrets basically outing his location to everyone but he just shrugs.

“Not like anyone’s going to come find me anyway.”

~

It’s a couple of days later, and he and the lads are coming back from the Australian Open after catching another match. Word got round after his last visit there, and this time round they offered him a couple of seats in the Emirates box that he couldn’t pass up.

Everyone’s a little buzzed from all the beer they had while watching the games, and Niall makes full advantage of the liquid courage in him to pull up Twitter and see whether Zayn’s still been active and sending out tweets.

_@zaynmalik Sick bday present I got , thought I'd show Ya :)_

It’s a picture of his present to Zayn, hanging proudly against a green backdrop. He’s a little taken aback, and he feels the seed of confusion starting to grow in the pit of his stomach.

It’s an unwelcome feeling, especially since it seems to be dampening his mood, and he quickly exits the app and jumps into a conversation with Deo and Adam about the day’s tennis.

~

He wakes up the next morning slightly hungover, since the boys decided that they’d hit up a pub before returning home. He’s just got a mild headache, nothing a couple of ibuprofen won’t fix and probably a greasy breakfast.

He peeks an eye open at his phone for the time and finds a text from Deo.

_sorry lad, I was in a rush for work so I just let him in! consider yourself warned!_

This time both his eyes shoot open as he rereads the message a second time to make sure he understood it right.

His first thought is that it’s Louis, and he can’t believe that he actually followed him all the way to Australia just to meddle. His ears burn as he feels a flare of anger at the thought, and it makes him get up and walk out the room with the sole aim to shout at Louis for not being able to leave him alone.

Except when he gets to the hall, he doesn't see Louis. Instead he sees someone sleeping on the sofa, a black beanie pulled low almost covering his full face but Niall would know that face anywhere.

It’s Zayn.

He’s draped over the sofa, wearing that black Nike jumper that Niall loves and has nicked a couple of times and grey sweatpants that he’s pretty sure belongs to Louis. He looks soft, and warm, and Niall gets lost in that image until he starts freaking out again. Because what the fuck was Zayn doing here?

He thinks about toeing silently back into the room and locking himself in there when Zayn stirs awake, slowly opening his eyes to Niall’s panicked face.

“Niall?”

He doesn't say anything, doesn't even move. Just stares at Zayn and wonders whether he’s dreaming or if it’s real life.

“Fuck, you sure did a good job of hiding yourself didn't ya?” He says casually as he stretches his body and lets out a small yawn. He looks fucking adorable.

“What are you doing here Zayn?” Niall’s got his fists clenched at the sides, nails digging into his palm to ground himself so he doesn't go running out the door.

“I’m here to talk. I don’t think we finished our last conversation.”

Niall tenses up and it’s so obvious that Zayn notices, worry immediately flooding his face.

“What’s going on Niall? You can’t just say something like that to me and then disappear.”

Well, going straight to the point then, Niall wants to puke his guts out. But he knows that it’s now or never. He’s thought about it a lot over the last week, picking apart all the thoughts in his head and laying them out so he can form some sort of picture to label what it is he’s feeling.

And in the end, it was surprisingly so clear.

“Remember the Vegas trip we took for my birthday? I was…I was so happy you said you’d come with. And Willie asked me towards the end of the trip what was the best part of my birthday weekend and I remember seeing you across the room talking to Marv and all I could think about was that it was having you by my side.”

Niall’s taken a seat on the edge of the coffee table, to the left of Zayn but close enough to touch him if he leaned forward and reached out his arm.

“And I didn't know what it meant at the time. I just…went with the flow I guess. I was happy. So I didn't think much about it.” He pauses, bringing his fingers to his mouth and biting on the edges of his nails like he usually does when he’s nervous.

“But then I felt you drifting away and then that comfortable happiness I had wrapped around me felt like it was slipping away and I was just really confused. Because I didn't know why.” He hates that his voice sounds so small, like he’s ashamed to admit how vulnerable he felt.

“I guess I’d just been bottling up my feelings and made me all bitter and I said things I didn't mean to say and Zayn I swear I wasn't ever planning on telling you how I felt, but I just…it wasn't until that moment that I figured it out.”

Zayn’s been looking at the ground the whole time, his hands clasped together as he listens seriously to what Niall has to say, patiently waiting for him to get all the words out.

“I freaked out. Because it wasn't until I said that I loved you that I knew that I did _..._ that I _do_ love you. So I left.”

He sighs, because there it is. His heart ripped out of his chest and laid out in front of him for Zayn to see.

“Niall I’ve got a confession to make. I was drifting away from you intentionally…”

Oh fuck. Niall’s head immediately goes into panic mode and all he thinks about is how he was probably more obvious with his emotions that he thought and Zayn picked up on it and was feeling uncomfortable and so he didn't want to be-

“Hey, hey, I can see your thoughts doing a sprint inside your head from here. It’s not what you think okay?”

It’s Zayn that reaches out into the space between them and places his arm on Niall’s. He looks down, staring at the swallow tattoo on his hand.

“It’s just…I felt the same way after Vegas you know? I had so much fun and I was so happy and I knew it wasn't cause of the trip…it was just…being with you and I didn't know what to think of it either.” Niall looks up and Zayn’s looking at him sheepishly.

“Times on tour would get rough sometimes and I’d look at you and I’d just think about how I wanted to escape somewhere where it’d just be the two of us…that’s all I wanted.”

Niall can’t believe what he’s hearing and he’s trying hard to concentrate to what Zayn’s saying over the rush of blood to his ears.

“But…you were acting normal and…I was scared shitless. So I just…tried to distance myself from you, cause it was confusing as hell but it sucked because I didn't want to not be near you either.” Zayn’s fingers are tracing patterns on Niall’s arms and it’s distracting, and he still isn't sure what’s happening.

“So what are you saying?”

Zayn’s face splits into a wide grin, the kind of smile that makes him look a little goofy and his eyes all crinkle up at the sides.

“I’m saying I missed you ‘cause I fucking love you too asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sorry if the ending was a little abrupt but...I really really wanted to end it on that sentence. Kinda felt like it had to be somewhat consistent and so I robbed you of a kiss *hides*

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is, I'm sorry, I hope it shapes up to something!
> 
> Part 2 will be up shortly...tomorrow...next week...soon...


End file.
